Can do

I am feeling very odd.

Today was the first day back at work and of course, I am not there. To say that this is, in many ways, a huge relief is a massive understatement. The relief is tinged with real fear about the future and I waiver wildly between feeling unusual optimism and the pit of despair. Ho hum. To give up a job, any job, seems foolish and melodramatic but to give up something that is making you sick to the bottom of your soul ....

Aside from all the mental turmoil, today I have achieved the following:

• steam cleaned the kitchen


• reported our broken boiler and am awaiting boiler repairman (no mean feat when you are not even inclined to let your own mother into the house of doom)


• tidied the living room (almost took down tree but twelth night paranoia stopped me)


• made lentil soup with Christmas ham stock


• phoned Carers Champions


• phoned Simply Counselling (a counselling service for stroke survivors and their families)

I thought I was on a fairly even keel with it all but when I was leaving Simply Counselling a message I got quite choked. I do feel robbed and bereft and angry, so very angry ...

I am now waiting for DWP to phone so I may do some baking - it's a bit like fags and buses - they are bound to phone when I am elbow deep in flour.

In other news, Adult Social Care have granted me a lovely amount of money in order to purchase some driving lessons, so hooray for them